It is perfectly normal to feel frustrated, angry, annoyed, disappointed, humiliated etc., as these are all normal human conditions and provide us with pointers as to what our expectations are, and if they are being met.
Sometimes, however, we fall into the stress mode, when our expectations are not been met the way that we anticipated. We then start to feel our emotions go out of balance and we need strategies to bring things back to a place of harmony.
Breathe in as though you are smelling flowers, and breathe out as if you are blowing out candles on your birthday cake.
When you are feeling stressed try some of these 40 techniques to bring yourself back to a place of calm:
1. Zoom your attention to your breathing, and start to count as you breath in deeply and exhales slowly. Focusing on breathing takes your mind of any other issue.
2. Ground yourself, by 'shooting your roots' into the ground. Feel that you have roots at the end of your feet and see those roots go deep into the ground.
3. Take a moment and Imagine that you are in a peaceful and calm place - lying on the beach in the sunshine is perfect!
4. Clench your fists together as tightly as you can, and then release them. Do this a couple of times.
5. Lift your shoulders right up and then let them drop, do this a couple of times as well as rolling your head around and loosening the tight muscles around your neck.
6. Move away from where you are, and go and do something totally different. Distraction will change your focus until you have calmed down.
7. Carry a positive affirmation sea pebble in your pocket and hold that while you repeat the affirmations.
8. Squeeze a stress ball or other fidget toy to keep your hands busy and free your mind.
9. Talk to someone if you are feeling overwhelmed or very upset. Ask for help.
10. Count up to ten and then back down to zero. Or count down from 10 and imagine each number is a step down into a underground basement.
11. Use 'I' statements to express how you are feeling, what you need and what you hope for. State your truth. "I am worried, I need to go to the fair, I promised Maria I would help her on the stand. Never underestimate the value of stating the truth.
12. Do a relaxing task with your hands that demand concentration, draw, colour in, doodle, paint, crochet, tinker, play guitar.
13. Find a friend or a buddy and off load! Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you and your need to get everything off your chest. Your friend or buddy doesn't need to fix anything, just listen.
14. Place your hands over your ears and listen to your breath coming into your lungs, breathing in and out.
15. Invent a secret action for yourself to use when you are feeling stressed. Link your pinkies, pull your ear lopes, scratch the back of your head. Some default that you consciously go to when you feel stressed.
16. Write down your thoughts and feelings and your questions "How can this be?". Using a journal is a wonderful de-stressor as you can offload without affecting anyone, and it clarify your thoughts and often the process of writing solves your problems.
17. Use your body - stretch and dance and move around. Free the stresses held in your body by moving. Do 20 jumping jacks, 20 press ups. Nothing beats stress so much as putting on some good music and having a good boogy.
18. Go outside and walk in nature. Take notice of the sky, the trees, the plants, the smells and the sounds.
19. Give yourself a hug or a pat on the back saying that it is OK. Hold your arms in a hug and give yourself a good massage or rub.
20. Give or get a hug from someone else. Best to have a hug for at least 20 seconds as this will release the endorphins and make you feel really good.
21. Focus on the needs of someone else and offer to help them do something. Helping someone else will refocus your attention and also help you appreciate that everyone has particular needs.
22. Massage your hands using your thumb to get a really in-depth release of tension.
23. Twist and squeeze your arms together in front of you and bend your elbows so fingers pointing up - the arm pretzel. Stretch your shoulders and back.
24. Go and eat something - preferably a healthy snack or drink some water. It increases your blood sugar level and makes you feel better.
25. Take some Rescue Remedy which will immediately drop your anxiety levels and make you feel less stressed.
26. Do an act of kindness. It can be something very small like smiling to someone, it feels good to be kind.
27. Go to a quiet place. Take yourself somewhere where you feel safe and comfortable and just sit down in the quiet and calm and relax.
28. Smile! Or laugh. Fake it until you make it. Sometimes we take ourselves far too seriously and it is good to laugh at yourself. It releases loads of tension as well.
29. Do tapping on the tapping points and state your truths and accept yourself who you are. Tapping is a fabulous way to reduce stress in the short and long term.
30. Rub your temples, and pinch the top of your nose and massage your eyebrows.
31. Trace your one hand with the index finger of your other hand and breath out as your hand goes up and breath in when your hand goes down. Change and do the other hand.
32. Repeat a mantra. Create a mantra or use one of the one's from our major religions - 'Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Rama, Rama, Hare Hare', "Namu Myoho Renge Kyo" from Japanese Nichiren Buddhism. 'Om' (pronounced A-U-M) the first sound heard in nature. "Om śāntiḥ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ" (A-U-M Shanti Shanti Shanti) meaning Om Peace Peace Peace. This good practice will bring about permanent calm so stress is avoided.
33. Zoom into your senses and note 5 things that you see, 4 things that you feel, 3 things that you hear, 2 things that you smell, and one thing that you taste. This grounds you and releases the stress trigger.
34. Think of and visualise a person who loves you and supports you and who cheers you on and experience that feeling of love that you feel for them.
35. Push your palms together in front of your chest as in prayer. Push your hands together and while your are there send a prayer out to those you believe in be it Angels or God, Vishnu or Jesus.
36. Recite some positive affirmations - "I have everything I need", "What if..it all works out?', "Everything I touch is a success", "I move into the winning circle".
37. Write a letter outlining all your frustrations and reasons for your stress. Say whatever you need or want to say to the person you have addressed the letter to, and then destroy the letter or freeze it by putting it in the freezer. Just don't send it! It releases your feeling and harms no one.
38. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it is OK to make mistakes and it is not the end of the world. Forgive yourself. And while you are about it forgive the other person for being such a prat.
39. Listen to calm and relaxing music or a meditation tape.
40. Say "Fuck it!", tomorrow is another day and simply let it go.