Live in a good place.
Keep your mind deep.
Treat others well.
Stand by your word.
Make fair rules.
Do the right thing.
Work when it is time.
These are the amazing words of Lao Tzu written 500 years ago. It is a good grounding for you to set your boundaries.
When we have very clear boundaries on what we feel is right and wrong for us, then we are able to respond appropriately when these boundaries are challenged.
Each person has different boundaries, and without someone explaining them to us we are unable to understand them and become confused when the boundaries have been crossed and the person has become upset. I am sure that at some time or other someone has said to you, or in fact you yourself could have said, "I am not a psychic, I didn't know that you didn't like that."
Be clear and communicate in a clear and respectful manner what you want and how you feel.
All feelings are valid and you can feel whatever you like. Explain yourself and others will understand you. If you think that it is absolutely disgusting to eat food in your bedroom, then tell those who are coming into your bedroom. Set the rules and if someone does not respect that, then tell them politely that you do not have food in your bedroom.
What can happen when you do not have clear boundaries and you are not clear in communication about those boundaries is that it can all get into a mess. In the above example, your friend does not know that you don't like food in your room and eats a chocolate bar. You say nothing, because you are afraid that you may appear to be a bit odd, but you feel that you have been violated, you start to suffer. This same friend again does something that you don't like or find irritating, and then you begin to feel angry and annoyed and betrayed. Another person does something, like touching your hair and you hate your hair being touched, and then you start to feel more negative emotions. Now, you haven't actually said anything, but begin to avoid those friends, they wonder what is up and start talking to others about you, you think that they are talking behind your back....and so the spiral continues and soon you are down the rabbit hole and feeling emotional overload.
Now, you begin to panic. And your mind goes into overdrive. You begin to think that you are unliked, that you have no friends, that you are odd, that no one respects you, that you are alone, that no one cares, you become disconnected....and then you are in overwhelm and you have to do something to gain control. Just for a second if you could feel OK, it will all be alright. This is the dangerous time for self harm. When you seek something for immediate gratification. Cutting, drinking, smoking, thrill seeking. But this relief is only ever temporary and thus after a short period you begin to feel shame, and grief. And thus you again begin to suffer and the whole circle begins again.
Express your feelings. It is better for someone to think that you are a little crazy (remember we all have our own bit of craziness) then for you to get in an emotional state.
Emotions are human and they are all valid. They need, however, to be balanced and when they are out of balance then you suffer.
There is a story about the three great Asian spiritual leaders (Lao Tzu, Confucius, and Buddha). All were meant to have tasted vinegar. Confucius found it sour, much like he found the world full of degenerate people, and Buddha found it bitter, much like he found the world to be full of suffering. But Lao Tzu found the world sweet. This is telling, because Lao Tzu’s philosophy tends to look at the apparent discord in the world and see an underlying harmony guided by something called the ‘Dao’.
“The Vinegar Tasters
The Dao is a wonderful way to live your life. It correlates very much with mindfulness and living in the present, and gives a bit more. Trusting that all is well and that one needs only to be, to have a rich and fulfilling life.
In this manner, one can simply let go of negative emotions and in this way break the cycle of emotional overload that is so detrimental to your wellbeing.
The doing of course is harder then just talking about it. But the start is to trust that you are worthy and what you feel is valid. Seek for balance (which our wonderful flower remedies can help with), and know that emotions are only emotions and they can be let go of at any time. They do not define you.
Seek to find ways to be able to express yourself - be it in words, in song, in dance. In painting, in serving. Speak your truth and do not be afraid. Fear is the killer. Often the reason why we get emotional overload in the first place, as we are afraid of the consequences of expressing ourselves.
You are Loved and you are Safe. Hold those thoughts and all will be well.
Speak your truth.